“Mine! Mine! Mine!”
So much to be said about “exclusivity” in a relationship, as opposed to “communal, common, public, or shared.” (Read “You’ve been practicing for divorce!”)
| Some time ago, Sandy and I went into the prison and began by asking, “Who has better sex? Single folks or married folks?” One young man, who considered himself a playboy, quickly responded, “Singles. Because we’re not tied down, and because of the unknowns and the adventure.” I was compelled to share some immediate thoughts on why married folks have better sex. a. Married folks have much more sex – on average 2-3 times a week. One single tried to say that he gets “new sex” 3-4 times a week. I quickly did the math. That’s about sixteen new girls a month, which is just shy of two hundred new girls every year. Many of the other inmates tossed the “bull flag.” Lol! He retracted a bit and said 1-2 new girls every weekend, which the inmates still didn’t buy. I asked him, though, “Even if you are getting this much sex, does God approve? Did God say it was okay? Did you even ask Him? Are you aware of the emotional and spiritual damage you’re causing to yourself? To them? Do you care?” Now he was silent. b. Married folks don’t have to perform for approval. They’re already committed to each other, they learn how to give to each other, and it’s liberating! On the flip-side, when “hooking up” with someone new, singles basically have two options. Either, 1) They are burdened with having to perform and please this stranger – ‘cause there’s your reputation that you gotta maintain, or 2) Require that this stranger gratify and please them, i.e., “Satisfy me. Meet my needs.” c. Married folks can operate in exclusivity. Translation: Mine! Mine! Mine! I told the men that there is something wonderful, comforting, and arousing to know that Sandy – all of Sandy – belongs to me! (Sandy chimed in, “Likewise.” Lol!) I do not share Sandy, and she does not share me, because we are committed to each other in marriage. Singles, on the other hand, are by default open to sharing because there is no binding, legal commitment. Singles don’t have the privilege, or the right, to say, “Mine!” Only through the commitment of marriage, which is an enormous leap of faith and trust, can that benefit of exclusivity be experienced. d. Sex actually marries you. Not legally, but physically, soulfully, and spiritually. Understand that sex is the primary means of establishing soul-ties, and everyone you have sex with creates a bond, a fuse, a joining… a marriage. I explained that soul-ties are supposed to be beneficial, but ungodly sex produces ungodly soul-ties. The flip-side is that godly sex produces godly soul-ties, which is why after thirty years of marriage I’m bound, tied, and attracted to Sandy more than ever. And, it is liberating! e. Last, I shared some stats from Focus on the Family: – Approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce – 80% of those divorces admitted to having premarital sex – And in 95% of those divorces, there were extra-marital affairs – Translation: No patience or discipline with sex before marriage equals no patience or discipline during marriage How’s that for starters of the “rotten fruits” of premarital sex? I did go on to share that Sandy and I had premarital sex. I explained that we have always had a great relationship, but about fifteen years into the marriage, God convicted me and told me to apologize to Sandy for it. My immediate responses were self-centered and immature. I whined, “But God, you forgave me for that… But Lord, that was a long time ago… But Lord, I didn’t know what I was doing… But, Lord, we got married, so we made it right… But Lord, we already have a great marriage… But Lord, it was consensual… etc.” (Sigh) In obedience to the Lord and in genuine brokenness, I did deeply apologize to Sandy (Read full testimony). I cried, she cried, but you’re probably wondering, “What’s the big deal with addressing today an offense I committed fifteen years ago?” Soon after I apologized and Sandy forgave me, God showed me that the premarital sex was a reflection of a bigger issue — the flaw in my character, my decision-maker. I saw plainly that I had gross patterns of rationalization within my character. God taught me, “Nick, if you will rationalize in areas as important as sex, you will rationalize in most other areas of your life.” I saw how my errant rationalizing did not foster trust in my relationship with Sandy, but instead, fostered mistrust and insecurities in our marriage. I was actually unintentionally proving that I could NOT be trusted with obedience, patience, or discipline. Therefore, how could I be fully true to Sandy? (Ouch!) I pointed out to the men that during your “single season” (dating), you are given the opportunity to prove what kind of man you are. As time goes by, whatever you do or don’t do sexually, creates a record, which glaringly reveals your character. This sex record illuminates patterns in your life – godly and ungodly. You just have to honestly examine the record. I posed a few questions: – What will your record show? – Just concerning sex, are you knowledgeable, self-centered, obedient to God, disciplined, or mature? – Do you understand sexual purity? – Did you protect your partner’s purity, or did you take it? As we closed, we agreed that although the world may try to suggest that the single life is full of carefree sex and fun (“unknowns and adventures”), this is not true. Participating in casual, random sex produces baggage in the form of regret, shame, guilt, pain, scars, sometimes STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, performance-based relationships, and soul-ties, just to name a few. It’s flesh and it’s sin. The bible calls this fornication and we are to flee from it. (Read 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 and Galatians 5:19-21).A sexually sinful lifestyle will produce fruit, only it’s rotten fruit in the form of loneliness, no true connection, no true legacy, fragmented and abused souls (his and hers), and ultimately hell. Rest assured, “God is not mocked. Whatever a man sows, that shall he reap.” (Galatians 6:7) |
| In closing… We thank you for your prayers. Know that your prayers avail much! Sandy and I remain committed to, and focused on, the Lord and his works. Even in the US, we engage people with the love, truth, and power of God. Please remember that Sandy are out here on the mission field entirely by faith in Him. Ministering in Japan is extremely expensive and we could use your help. Please consider partnering with us through your financial gifts and support. Donations can be made online at Christians In Action. Or, you can mail contributions to the address listed below. I declare that your light affliction, which is but for a moment, works in you a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory! (2Cor 4:17) <*{{{{>< In His will, Nick & Sandy Guerra, Bond-servants of Christ Contributions can be sent to: Dominic Guerra (Acct# 426) c/o Christians In Action, Missions International 1318 E. Shaw Avenue – Suite 308 Fresno, CA 93710-7912 ▪Please ensure Acct #426 is annotated on your contribution so the funds can be allocated correctly. ▪Please share/forward these newsletters at your discretion. Subscribe or Make a Donation |
| — Our Mission — “Gather Sheep & Convert Goats!” “Catch, Clean, & Release!” |