“Don’t call that love!”

Sandy and I encounter more and more people — even Christians — who defend illicit, deviant sex by calling it love. Just recently, we met a single, straight, twenty-two year-old man, who says he’s a Christian yet declares that he refuses to wait until marriage to have sex because he likes it too much and besides, he gives women love. He went on to say that his sexual activities are love-based because he makes sure to “please them first.” This was his definition of love.

Also, we met a young lady who said she’s now a lesbian, happily married, and “deeply in love.” She confessed that this is her first homosexual relationship and that her wife is like no other person she’s ever met. She also said that because it feels so right that it has to be love, and only God could’ve brought them together. This was her definition of love.

In the name of love, people today brazenly and unashamedly trumpet their ungodly beliefs and behaviors. Increasingly, I find myself responding with equal, but godly, passion and correction and I tell them, “Don’t call that love!” I proceed and ask them, “Did God give you permission to do that? Did you even ask Him?” To further clarify, I share an actual experience:

About twelve years ago, Sandy and I knew a young couple from Texas. They were engaged and their wedding was in six months. They were engaging in premarital sex and they asked us to help them through prayer and accountability. We obliged them, but I remember asking them two questions.

• Why did you have premarital sex? They said, “Because we love each other.”
• Are you going to tell your parents? They both said no because God had forgiven them, they had forgiven each other, and the issue is behind them.

Long story short, the wedding day came and they were standing at the altar, just moments away from being pronounced “man and wife.” However, unbeknownst to them, both sets of parents stood up, grabbed the mic, and took turns praising their children for obeying God by maintaining their virginity until marriage. The parents said things like, “Our children have honored God and their parents with their sexual purity,” and, “Our children have practiced sexual discipline and patience,” and, “God is going to bless this union,” and, “As parents, we prayed often for a god-fearing, god-honoring spouse for our child.” Both sets of parents were beaming with pride.

The entire church, with the exception of four people (the bride, the groom, Sandy, and me), was practically in tears as they swallowed the lie. The bride and groom — full of shame, guilt, and regret — stood there, looking down, and avoiding eye contact with each other and everyone present.

I finish this story and I immediately ask these people, “Now why did this couple say they had premarital sex?” They reply, “Because they loved each other.” Checkmate! Here’s the million-dollar question, “Can love ever produce that kind of shame, guilt, and regret that that couple experienced at the altar?” Of course not, so stop calling what you’re doing love! It’s flesh-based, and it’s sin!

God’s word is very clear where sexual purity is concerned. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.” (See also 1Cor 6:18) The late Dr. Edwin Louis Cole said, “Lust gets. Love gives. Lust gets at the expense of others. Love gives at the expense of self.” This would be God’s definition of love.

The greatest examples of love are the birth of Jesus Christ and his crucifixion. Point people to the man – Jesus, on the cross – and tell them, “This is love!” Lovingly, sternly, share with people, “If your sexual activities don’t honor God, don’t call that love!”