“Sandy makes me love her.”
Although far from being the perfect husband, I’ve gone to great lengths to privately and publicly demonstrate my love, affections, and desires for Sandy. For example, years ago, we attended a marriage conference with our church at an exclusive resort. The workshop was about to start and the couples began to find their seats. Just moments before Sandy and I took our seats, I had indiscreetly placed on our table a bottle of Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple-Pomegranate Cider (chilled, of course), with two accompanying champagne glasses, along with a scented candle (“Fresh-Cut-Roses”).
I escorted Sandy to her seat, pulled it out for her, lit the candle, popped the bottle, poured our two glasses, sat down, and made a personal toast to my bride, all as the conference was about to begin. There happened to be two-three dozen other couples present who witnessed this, but you could’ve heard a pin drop. Wives began poking their husbands and the husbands (my brothers-in-Christ) began glaring at me. LOL! Can you imagine what those wives were thinking? Those husbands?
Another time, Sandy attended a women’s retreat. The day before, I had ordered a large, colorful, aromatic bouquet of flowers and chocolates, to be placed in her room to await her arrival. I had also secretly placed several love notes for her throughout her overnight bag to surprise her periodically.
I do things like this for several reasons, but bottom line: Sandy needs this, I need this, and other couples need to see this because, well, they need this too (Proverbs 31:31). Over the years many women (wives and singles… young and old) have witnessed these demonstrations of my love and desire for Sandy. These same women often ask Sandy for advice and encouragement, admitting things like, “I want to be loved like that. You got a good one. I want a man like that. I wish mine was that thoughtful. Etc.” They ask Sandy, “What’s the secret?”
While Sandy astutely and bluntly tells these women (as per Pro 31:26), “I’ve sown many seeds for Nick’s love and affections… I’ve labored diligently for the fruit I am now gathering,” my message to women is, “Sandy makes me love her.” What I mean is that Sandy has put into motion the principle of “sowing and reaping” found in Galatians 6:7. Sandy serves me — loves me — in such a pure and honest way that it humbles me and compels me to love her back.
Here’s a quick example. Throughout the week, I often get home after 10 PM due to late ministerial outreaches. I get home, unpack my briefcase, sit down and try to catch a breather, and before I know it, and without having asked, Sandy is placing a wonderful, hearty, hot meal before me. She does it every time. And, for the record, throughout our thirty-one years of marriage, I have never required of Sandy, nor asked her, to bring me a meal. She just does it from her loving, servant’s heart, and it still melts my heart to this very day.
So nightly, Sandy’s labors of love remind me — nay — drive me to somehow, someway love her back. Hence, “Sandy makes me love her.” (Real talk — there are times in our marriage when Sandy and I are trying to “out-love” each other. How cool is that!) I’ve found that “giving is a natural response to having received something.” Ever receive a surprise gift or compliment and feel the urge to return in kind? Even at coffee drive-thru windows, there’s been multiple times when a customer will start a “pay it forward” campaign by paying for the customer behind them, which motivates others to give. This is the power of love.
As I close, I have to clarify. Don’t give in a spirit of manipulation. Give out of love, with no strings attached. Giving from a manipulative heart brings great disappointment when a person doesn’t give back. (Kinda like, I’ve seen guys hold a door open for a gal, she doesn’t thank him, and he gives her an ugly look. I ask these guys, “Why’d you open the door for her? For the ‘Thanks’ or because it’s the right thing to do.”) Winston Churchill said something like, “You make a living out of what you get. You make a life out of what you give.” Give, serve, love because this is Christ-like and all-powerful. “Perfect love” anyone? (1Jn 4:18)